Holodomor

With the people, he was dissatisfied,   For they won’t let go of their lands, His idea for the farms to collectivize,
Men would not accept his aim.

To break’em all down, did he use clout,
And asked his men to be brute, “Snatch their bread, let them wander about,
Deprive them of their food.”

Destroyed their crops, crushed their grains,
He manufactured a deadly famine,         Watched them poor kids starve to death,
Mothers did naught but cry.

On the land prevailed such cruel man, With a mind so crude,
Compelled people to succumb to death,
Or accede to his rule.

Disgrace to the existence of human kind,
Does put whole history to shame,
An episode of remorselessness, Witnessed by the land of Ukraine.

Companion

Seated at a round table placed in the middle of the brimming restaurant, Atta looked at his wrist watch as the clock in the restaurant struck one. His eyes chased the waiters who were already very busy serving others. A waiter, who had visited Atta's table few times already since Atta walked into the restaurant about an hour ago, observed him from a distance. After following the other waiters, Atta's eyes finally made a stop at the counter.

The waiter who had been looking at Atta for a long time now, let the counter go off his arm's grip. He took a notepad and started walking towards Atta's table. "Hello, sir. What can I get you?", he asked. Atta returned the greet, "Umm hello, actually I was waiting for someone." "Oh, I can come back in ten minutes?", the waiter said. "No, no. A friend was supposed to be joining me for lunch. I may start ordering. Let us see. What all do you have?", he checked the menu card. "Would you like to start off with a refreshing drink from our bar, sir?", waiter asked. "Ummm. No. Had enough water.", Atta pointed towards the half filled glass on the table.

"Half rice, one fried chicken, one bread and one mutton curry.", Atta ordered. The waiter repeated after him and said, " Would that be all for now, sir?" "Yes. Enough.", he replied and returned the menu card.

After the waiter left to get the order ready, Atta looked at the entry door, then the watch and again the door. He put his hand into the inner pocket of his coat and took out a bundle of Rs 100 and Rs 50 notes. He counted the money, shook his head and put the money back inside.

Atta rested against the back of his chair and noticed all kinds of people, mostly rich, sitting in the place. Some had come with families, others with friends and some with their beloveds. There were tables for two, tables for three, tables for four and tables for more. Atta was the only one sitting alone at the table for two.

He looked at the people , not stare. They were all well suited and booted. Wore expensive dresses and jewelleries. All fancy shoes in there.
Atta looked at his coat and smiled. He put his hand in the side pockets and thanked God for the clothes, he wore, that kept him warm.

Atta looked at his shoes. He had cleaned off the mud before walking onto the well furnished and crystal clear floor. It had been raining for second day today.

Atta did not like rain. It would spoil his clothes and shoes. Also, the rain water got into his friend's house and make him sick. The thought of the rain reminded Atta of his friend. "Did the rain make him sick again? Last time I remember we had fixed the ceiling of his house. What if rain got in again?", he thought to himself.

Atta went to see his friend every second day but he had not seen him for last three days. Atta looked around for the waiter. He was taking orders from other tables. As soon as his eyes contacted Atta's, he nodded. After he finished taking order from that table, he disappeared into a cabin.

Atta again looked at his wrist watch and compared its hour with the clock in the restaurant. The waiter returned with a tray in two minutes. He walked to Atta's table and placed each item one by one, "Rice. Bread. Chicken. Mutton curry. Sir?". "Ummm. I hope the curry is not too spicy. My friend doesn't like spices.", Atta said. "No, sir. The spice is just favourable. Sir will like it. Any news from sir? Will he be joining?", the waiter said. "The rain. It won't stop.", Atta replied. "Yes, sir. Must be the rain. Enjoy your food, sir.", waiter replied and left.

Atta took the rice and curry. He finished rice. He stared at the chicken for a while and then, took a leg and the breast out. He was done eating in not more than 15 minutes. Also, ate some bread and kept the left out in his side pocket. He started looking for his waiter again. The waiter was standing near the counter. As soon as Atta raised his head up, the waiter arrived. "Can I get you anything else, sir?", he asked. "Umm. That would be enough.", Atta replied. "Seems like my friend won't be joining after all. Can I get all this packed?', he continued. "Sure, sir.", waiter replied. He cleared the table and came back with the packed food in 5 minutes. "Your food, sir.", he said. "Bill?", Atta asked. "Yes, sir.", the waiter said and went to the counter. He came back with the bill. Placed it on the table and left.

Atta took out that bundle of money and turned over the bill. Rs 1156.45 said the bill. Eight notes of Rs 100 and eight notes of Rs 50 did he place in the booklet and gestured the waiter to take it. The waiter returned with the change. Atta took out four Re 1 coins from the book and left the other change there. "Have a nice day, sir." "Nice day.", replied Atta, took hold of the bags and walked towards the door.

Atta opened the door to leave and saw few puppies sitting under the shade of the door. He saw the sign board at the door which had a picture of dog crossed and said, "No animals allowed." Atta smiled at the puppies and said, "I got lucky. I am a social animal." He took out the loaves of bread he had saved in his side pocket and left those near the puppies. He watched as the puppies, who had probably not had anything to eat all day, fought each other to get the biggest share.

Atta opened his umbrella. The umbrella had been hanging by Atta's left arm all this while. He ran to the other side of the road. The muddy water climbed upto his waist. He walked along the footpath and finally stopped by a house. This house belonged to some 'Mr. Siddiqui', so said its name plate. The house was not very big. The roof of the house was so built that all the rain water fell down at a distance from the door of the house, at the footpath, making everyone who passed by wet. The stairs were dry. Atta cleaned his muddy shoes with the rain water falling off the roof and climbed the stairs. He sat down at step two and called for his friend. The window of the house opened and a kid peeped out. "You seen him?", Atta asked. The kid nodded his head in denial.

"I got him food.", Atta said and took out the packed boxes. He opened each box and smelled the food. "Such delicious food. Call him, will you?", he talked to the kid. The kid closed the window and ran downstairs. He opened the door and sat close to the old man. "He is here.", the kid said.

"My boy is here.", Atta said. He started serving the food as he noticed a shadow near by. "I was afraid my friend might have fallen sick. Did the rain wet your house again?", Atta asked. "No, I keep a check in your absence. The roof you built is very strong. It doesn't let the rain in.", the kid replied.

"Good. I am glad I could help the homeless.", Atta ran his head over his friend's head. After the food was finished, Atta got up and said, "Time to go home." The kid walked to the end of the street with Atta. "Don't fall sick. You are the only friend the man has.", Atta said and let Peter into his home.

Atta and Peter had been friends for three months. The kid had been witness to this unusually strong friendship all along. Peter was a strong built, well muscled black (not anymore) stray dog.

Old chap

A fellow very old, 
Lived down the memory lane;
So grey, so very pale,
Too old a chap was he. 

Did he make fun faces,
To scare away them kids, Fierce snort he'd bid, But, vain would go it all. 

For they'd only laugh,
Make fun of the gentleman, Have him clatter and clank, Laugh did'em a lot. 

Angry would he get,
Grumble did he so, Exasperation thus would show; 
And so, groan would he. 

But deep down in his heart,
Would he too along do laugh, Own fury he would mock;
And Chuckle, giggle,grin. 

Them devils knew the trick; Annoy him, would they again, Calm won't they let him stand,
 And, Laugh and laugh will them. 

"Ye tiny little brats,
Ye rascals make me insane. Give'em old man so much pain.",
Would he them, then, tell. 

When on one fine morning, Missing did he go,
And all day did not show They searched all fields, all barns. 

"Dead, buried is he,
Don't look, he won't come back.
They put him under his slate.",
Told them the elders, then. 

No fun do they know now, 
Do not they be now gay;
Nor do they,now, know play Do cackle not anymore.

Dreams

I have seen a place, in my dreams,

A place so calm and serene.

Drunk from  waters of the purest mizzle

Walked on the grass so green.

Played with the nature, talked to the rain,

Watched the boundless sky,

Wished in my heart, to conquer the blue

And like the kites, to fly.

Where birds sing melodies, soft and rich,

And tootle along the trees.

With their music do dance, the hail and drizzle,

And with them jingle the bees.

The place so calm yet so alluring

Ever Chanting a spell of beauty.

Revealing a showcase of bewitching elegance,

Unfolding beguiling delicacy.

Distant from the worlds so full and packed,

Apart from the realm so raspy,

Place where the heart feels blissful,

Comes true the fantasy.

How I wish that world to be real

And there I could be,

Stay, dawn to dark,

Have a day to none but ME.

Hope

Akram watched the colours of autumn through his window as his gaze followed the leaves falling off the branches and being carried away by the wind in the redness of dusk. He looked at every leaf at the tree and he was reminded of the story where a last leaf brought back the hope of survival in the hopeless. As he noticed every leaf fall, he felt a wrench at the centre of his chest.  A mixed feeling of anger, sadness and helplessness took over his chain of thoughts and he began scratching the window pane in frustration. His eyes were wet and red. He turned to his right to find weak and ailing Razia sitting on the bed. She was busy noting something in a black diary.
Akram and Razia had been married for 30 years. They had two kids- daughter Sarah and son Sameer. Sarah was married to Azhar and had a son too. They lived in abroad. Sameer was studying engineering in Jaipur.
A year ago Razia was diagonised with cancer. Doctors started the treatment as soon as they got to know about her illness. In the beginning, they believed that Razia was recovering miraculously but two months ago they rendered the treatment useless. Razia's body was no longer responding to the therapies. When Razia's condition started to worsen, Sarah came to live with her parents and look after her mother.
Akram hoped that some miracle might happen and his wife would be cured. Razia on the other hand had lost all hopes.
Akram moved to the bed side and stared at Razia for five minutes. She was counting things and then adding another to the list. "Here. This is the list of every small to big things you would need after me and their locations too.", she closed the diary and gave it to Akram. Akram listened to her patiently as she continued, "Also the winter clothes. It gets too cold. You may want to know where your jackets and shawls lay."
Sarah entered the room with a bowl of soup. "Beti, help your father in finding all the things. You know the house like I do.", Razia said to her. Sarah nodded and gave her the soup. She knew how much pain these talks were causing to her father. She looked at him and said, "Abbu, dinner is ready." "Yes. Let me watch your mother finish the soup. We can leave and let her sleep then."
"Good thing that you all have taken out your pherans. Seems like winter is here already.", Azhar came in and looked out of the window. He always tried to keep up the moods. "Salaam Abbu. Ammi. All well?", he asked.
Akram and Razia replied to his greeting together. "Where is Suhail? I've heard the disease is not contagious. What else be the reason to not let my grand son near me?", Razia scoffed. "You think, mother? I let him stay with Azhar's parents so that I can look after you well.", Sarah said. "We will get him to see his nani maa tomorrow. We can do that once in a while.", Azhar said. "Yes, as if I have got world's time.", Razia replied as she pushed the soup bowl away. "I am done. Please let me sleep. Close the door on your way out.", she said.
The sickness was getting to Razia's head now. She would feel bad about very little things and then cut herself off of the family. Family never minded her behaviour because they realised what she was going through.
Akram ran his hand on Razia's forehead as he watched her sleep. They all left the room.
Silence prevailed at the dining table. Nobody was eating the food. They were just playing with the crumbs on their plates, moving them from one side to the other and then back.
"Did you talk to Majid? What did he say?", Sarah asked Azhar. "Just the usual. Nothing new.", Azhar replied to this. They were talking about Razia's condition.
Majid was Azhar's friend and a doctor. He was the one who took them to the best oncologist and got the treatment started. Majid regarded Razia as his mother. "I am so helpless. Even doctors can't do anything now. Pray for her.", he'd told Azhar the last time they met.
On listening to Sarah and Azhar's conversation about Razia's condition, Akram got uneasy. He started shaking his right leg.
"Sameer is worried. He has been calling all day. You should talk to him and tell him all is fine.", Azhar told Sarah, to which she just nodded.
Akram got up to leave. "Abbu, your food?", said Azhar. "Keep it. I am not hungry.", he replied and walked towards the room. "I will try and not wake your mother.", he whispered as he disappeared into the door.
Akram wanted some time to himself and his wife. He had a lot of things to say, many questions to ask. He didn't sleep that night as if it was their last night together. He just stared at Razia and questioned her in his mind.
Next morning, an ambulance stopped at the front door and Majid rushed in with another doctor and two assistants. Azhar showed them into a room.
The doctor checked the pulse and said, "Heart stopped working. I am sorry." Majid and Azhar broke the news to Sarah, who was waiting in the lobby, together.
Sarah didn't talk. She just went to Razia and started crying loudly. "What is it? Missing your mom already?", said Razia. Sarah's red eyes looked into her mother's. A tear rolled down Razia's eyes as if the mother could easily read the reason of tears in her daughter's eyes.
"You know? Your Abbu came to me last night and talked to me. He said that he is the head of this family. Only he, and nobody else, gets to lead us everywhere. Now I know what he meant.", Razia said. "Don't cry for him. He only got what he wished for. Just pray. Pray for him.", she put her hand on Sarah's head and looked the other way at the bare tree whose last leaf had just fallen down.

Dusky wilderness

I always wondered what would it be like in those woods and how it would feel to walk between the trees. The trees were so dense that even sunlight couldn't get in properly. From outside, it looked like it would be very dark in there. Too dark to spot things.

I sat near my window and watched the never ending patch of green dense forest. I had sketched down a similar pattern on the drawing pad that was lying in my lap. I looked out at the woods more keenly. I scratched my head with the back of the brush and looked out more keenly. The darkness in those woods was so intense that I couldn't draw it down on the paper.

"Aha. I just finished cleaning your dirty clothes and you are busy creating a mess again. What is with you?", Mama came into my room. I got off the chair and looked down at my shirt. "Oh. I don't know how it got there. I was just...", I pointed towards the painting I made. My shirt looked so dirty. It was painted all over. There was a small patch of green colour and then there was a bigger black coloured spot. "Do not touch it. You will only make it worse.", Mama removed my hands from the shirt. "Take it off. Put on a new one and go look after your sister.", she said angrily. She took out a blue shirt from my almirah and threw it at me. I changed and left the room.

"Good morning, Dad.", I went to the dining and sat down in a chair besides Dad. I passed a biscuit to Marie. "Hey, son.", he whispered and came closer to me as if to say something very important. "Where is your mom? Is she angry? Can you do me a favor?", he said in a low voice. "Wow. Chill, Dad. One question at a time.", I replied. "Alright. I will buy you a new watch. Done?", he said. "No.", I replied. "Then?", he asked. "This weekend, let me go out with my friends.", I offered him a deal. I had been planning to ask mama and dad about going out with friends but I never thought I would get the chance so soon. "Done. Only if you help me. Let me first tell you that it was a mistake. Ok. I was working on a new article for the magzine. When I, by mistake, dropped ink on your mother's scarf. I want you to get it cleaned. Do it yourself or get it done. Please.", he whispered.

I had a chance and I couldn't let it go. I helped him. We got the scarf dyed back to its original colour. Dad knew that Mom would have murdered few if she had come to know about it. He knew that I had saved few lives. It was time for him to return the favor.

That night on the dining table, I waited for Dad to raise the topic. And finally when everyone had finished eating, he cleared his throat and said, "I was thinking that we should send Joe out with his friends. He doesn't go out much."

Marie looked at me. We knew how such conversations ended usually. We were now waiting to listen Mama's reply. "Oh really. U think? And where do you think we should send him?", she rested her arm on the table and her face on her hand. "Umm. Well. Why don't you ask him? Joe, tell your mama where do you want to go? I need water.", he picked up his empty glass and went to the kitchen. It was my turn to face mama's rage now. "So you put your father up to this?", she asked. "Water.", said I and left.

I was very disappointed with Dad. After all I did for him this is how he leaves me to suffer. "Close escape, eh?", Dad asked as I got into the kitchen. "Huh?", I replied, put the empty glass on the shelf forcefully and left.

Next morning, awkwardness prevailed at the table. Nobody was talking to anybody. Everyone just ate their food. As I finished my breakfast and pushed my chair back to make space for myself to get up Mama said, "Joe. I was thinking your dad is right. You spend most of your time at home. You should go out." I was shocked for a while but then I realised that it were Dad's efforts that were showing. He had been trying hard to convince Mama and I loved him for that. He just smiled at me and I made a gesture to say thanks.

Now that my parents have agreed I must talk to my friends I thought. I never left home without my bag which usually carried only my drawing pad and a pencil. I met my friends at a coffee shop.

"Cheers to Joe's victory.", Asif said as we all raised our hot chocolate mugs. "Finally, Joe. We need to think of a spot now.", said Red. "I have a place in mind. But..", I said. "But what? Is the place nice? We won't say no as long as we know it is going to be fun.", Asif said. I told them that I had been thinking about going to that dense forest. "Are you mad? Your mom won't allow. None of our parents will.", Red said.

I knew my parents won't permit me to go and get lost in that darkness. But I didn't plan to tell them. "It will be fun guys. We will be on our own.", I tried to get a yes out of their no. It took a lot of hard work but I won yet again.

That night I started packing stuff for the trip to the jungle. "I must not take too much baggage as we may have to carry thoss ourselves. We need no money, good shoes, not many clothes, lots of food and water.", said I to myself when Mom entered the room with a big bag. "Here. I have put all your clothes and few light footwears in there. And yes, money is in the back pocket. Enough money to buy your own food. Ok?", she said.

I had to take most of the things out and pack again. I used the money to buy snacks and other edibles though.

Next day Dad dropped us at the bus stand and we had to walk 4 kms back to get into the woods.
"Joe, are we sure we want to do this? I mean we can still go back.", Red said. "Let us do it, Chicken. Let us get in there.", Asif said before I could reply.

The moment we entered the place it felt strange. A mixed feeling- excitement plus fear. That feeling you get on your first day in a new school. I knew I wanted to do this but I was not really sure about doing it. Mixed feelings, like I said.

As we started getting inside the woods it got darker and darker. At one point we had to use our torches. We had no idea about what time of the day it was. It certainly was not night because we had just started and it was morning out there, in the city. After walking for few hours or so we saw little light getting into the trees. We started to walk towards it and there we found the most beautiful lake in the place. "Wow. Water. And.... too much water.", Red said. "I love this place.", Asif shouted as he pulled off his shirt and jumped into the water. We followed. "It is indeed a beautiful place.", I whispered to myself as I looked around.

The sun was bright right over our heads. I believe this was the only part of the jungle where the light managed to reach. We bathed till the sun was down. Then we put on new clothes and left the wet one to dry near the fire we made. My baggage was not useless after all. I had matchboxes with me. We did not have to use early man's techniques of striking the stones together.

We spent the night near the lake only to find our clothes missing. "Must've been some stupid monkey.", I said disappointed. Those were my favorite tees which I lost. Now we were left with only the clothes we had on us. Bags and everything were gone except the little purse I used to hang around my neck. It carried my important things like tootbrush, a toothpaste, torch and my undies.

"Damn those monkeys or whatever stole our stuff. What are we gonna do without that?", Red said. Asif was a brave heart and lively person. "Look at the bright side guys. We don't have to carry our heavy bags now. Fun, innit?", he said. And Red added, " Yes, as far as our brushes are concerned we can use same brush. All three of us. Yay?". "I would choose to not brush this whole week.", Asif made an ugly face.

We started further into the woods. We had to use our torches again. Soon the lights went off in the middle of nowhere. "Great. The batteries drained off.", we could easily sense fear in Red's voice. "Who named you Red? They should have named you pink, Loser.", Asif sounded disgusted by the fear Red always carried around. "I tell you we shouldn't have brought him along. I regret it now. Chicken.", he continued. "Relax, guys. I have got few extra sets of batteries. Chill.", I felt the things in my purse with my hand. I got hold of the batteries. "Here. We use one torch at a time. Ok?", I said as I put batteries in my torch and switched it on.

We walked again. The light from one torch wasn't enough to show the way to all three of us. But we managed. We had to.

"We must get back to the lake by the evening.", I said. I realised that being in dark for so long could be dangerous. We, however, had completely lost the track of time. There was no sign of any water body or light anywhere.

"Huh. We have been moving around looking for the lake for a long time now. Can we sit down and rest now, please?", red seemed exhausted. We had really been wallking for many long hours now. I believe it was night already and it was almost impossible to find the lake in such darkness. We sat down and switched off the torch.

"Oh thee children, you seek light in the world so dark. Here is the light. Here is the light", Asif started to mess around with Red. He knew that Red would be scared. He switched on and off his torch again and again. "What the hell is that? Behind you, Asif?", I shouted. In the fluctuating light of his torch I thought I saw some figure moving. Asif turned around with his torch. "Fair enough, dawg. I mess around with you and you scare me.", he laughed.

I did not argue because I was not really sure what I had seen. But yes I was scared. We sat quiet for a while when Red said, "Isn't it weird? We are in the middle of a jungle, our stuff gets stolen by some animal but we haven't spotted any animal or any living creature in last 48 hrs." I had seen something I think. I didn't tell them because I didn't want to scare them.

In a while we all dosed off quietly. We tied all the stuff we were left with to our bodies. We must have slept for only two to three hours when I heard Red shouting, "The Lake. The lake. Oh my God. It has been here all this while and we didn't notice." He was so excited as if he had managed to date the hottest girl in the school. I rubbed my eyes and followed his voice. I picked up Asif's torch and other things he had left.

Red was already in the water. He was enjoying the bath but Asif? Where was Asif? "Red, where is Asif?", I asked. "A sudden redness and fear flushed onto Red's face. "Yes, Asif. Where is he?" We looked around for him.

"You look on this side I will look there.", I said. But Red didn't want to be alone. "Can't we stay together?", he said. We searched the bushes and called out his nane several times. No reply came.

"I thought it was a dream. Probably, it wasn't.", Red murmered. "Dream? What dream? Talk to me Red? What did you see?", I asked.

"It was not a dream, Joe. That thing took him away. It was a big shadow. Huge shadow. I saw it dragging him away. Asif has been taken by something.", he started to cry. "Are you sure that was not a dream?", I said worried. "Ok. We can't just sit down here and cry. We need to be careful. We must look out for animals and be safe.", I gathered some courage and got up. "And we won't stop looking for Asif until we are sure about what happened to him.", I continued.

Red did not stop weeping. Only Asif could handle him. I missed Asif more because of that. Red had started to give me a scare. "It was all your idea. You wanted to be here. You convinced Asif and that brave heart didn't think twice.", Red said. It sounded like he was blaming me for what happened to Asif and what was happening to us. He held me responsible for everything. "I didn't force you. And let us not fight about it right now. We need to get out of here first.", I said.

We started walking back. I was not sure if we were going in the right direction but we couldn't stop. This place was not safe. Through the thorny bushes we walked and walked. "This is not the route we came through. Do you even know where are we going?", Red protested. "No, I don't.  Do you? Fine, you lead then.", I said irritated.

We soon ran out of batteries again. "This is the last set of batteries. We must use them carefully.", I said as I removed the old batteries and started looking for new ones in my bag. "You want us all dead. You knew this place was dangerous. There was a reason our parents didn't let us here.", Red started shouting like crazy. "Oh shut up, Red. You are not the only one stuck in here. I am here too. You need to be quiet if you want both of us to get out of this place.", I threatened him. I hoped it will work this time. I found the batteries. Before I could put batteries into the torch I heard Red call out my name loudly. I called back. His voice disappeared soon as if someone had blocked his mouth. I heard something drag him away and before I could turn on the torch he was gone. I ran around and called his name but all I could hear was my own voice echoing back to me. My forehead was wet. I had tears in my eyes. It was just me in that big dark jungle. Just me and that thing which took away my friends. What was it? A lion? A bear? Some animal? Or a monster? I had to find a way out. I couldn't let myself die like that.

I went back to the lake and decided the direction I would be going to. I took a stick along and walked. All this while there was a fear in my mind that the thing was still following me and it will pull me into the bushes anytime, drag me to its den and eat me up.

After walking miles in the same direction I spotted light. I was the happiest. I was sure this was the road to life. I ran towards the light and as I removed the last bush that was coming in my way aside, I saw the lake. What the hell? Wasn't I going in the opposite direction? How did I end up on the lake again? This is rubbish. The fear inside me amplified.

The sun was coming down. What should I do now? Wait for the thing to come and take me or keep walking, no matter what? Walking was a good idea. That way I could deviate my mind from the fear of that monster to the fear that I was lost.

The light of the torch dimmed. "Please don't die. Don't die. Don't die.", I begged.

I was still talking to my torch when I felt the first blow which made the torch fall from my hands. "Who is it?", I moved my hand around to feel the thing. Then came another blow and I was down on the ground. In the dim light I could see the shadowy figure walk towards me. It had a rod or something in its hand. Did he want to hit me again? Did he want to kill me? Had he killed my friends?

I thought about many things. What had happened to my friends? I got flashbacks like they get in movies. How I lied to Mama and Dad and never told them where I was going, how I convinced Asif and Red and how I lost them. Mama and Dad didn't even know where I was.

I expected a third blow coming my way soon and I was sure I won't survive the last one.

As I breathed my last I wished that I visit Mama and Dad in their dreams and tell them the truth. I wished our parents came looking for us. I wished they found my body before the last shred of meat on my body disappeared and I turned into a skelton.

Disparaître

The ground was still wet. It had rained all night but that didn't stop the kids from coming out of their dens and chase the ball. They would run from one side to the other screaming, "Ball. Ball. Get the ball. Throw. Throw. Throw."  If standing at the centre, one could see an endless playground with few grassy patches all around. The ground did not have a definite shape. A chinar tree stood on one side. It was a restplace for kids, audience and other people. The tree was big enough to cast its shadow over a large area. 

My cricket kit lay next to me. I sat there and listened to the shouts. Alongwith the screeches there was a sound the chinar leaves were making. It seemed like the air and the tree were conversing. Arguments used to be the most interesting part of the games. With no umpires there to decide and no cameras to give a better view, every fall of a wicket or a boundary led to arguments. The captains of the two teams then talked and decided the fate of the game.

One small part of the ground was reserved for small kids. These kids were not allowed to play in big boys' area. They came to play everyday, each with a plastic ball, a small bat and snacks. Played for a while and spent most of their time snacking.

The big boys on the other hand took the game very seriously. They would all meet at the fixed time, make teams and play. Those who joined late were made to do the commentry.

The games usually started in the evening but that day being a holiday, everybody was out early. I came with my stuff too but I didn't join. I sat there and watched them play for two hours.

I looked at their muddy shoes and then at my clean ones. My heart started pounding heavily. I looked around. I grabbed my bag and left.
On my way back, many greetings were sent my way but I didn't reply to any of them. I just wanted to reach home as fast as I could. Walking through those crowded streets felt strange. I had never been alone there.

As I reached home and opened the gate, I dropped the kit near the stairs and went in. "Abid is home. Come, son. You must be tired. Had a good game?", Abbu said when he saw. Abbu looked at me and got it that I had not played. He then called for Ammi, "Get him something to eat." Ammi came running out of the kitchen with a tray in her hand. "Here, son. Eat something and go rest in your room.", she put the tray down. There was a glass of milk, a fried egg and tandoori roti (lavassa).

I took a sip of milk and put the glass down. I was not hungry at all. "Abid. I bought your new books. They are in my desk. Master sahab said that your classes will start next week.", Abbu said. He was getting ready to leave for work. He put on his grey sherwani and a black cap- the Jinnah cap and left.

I finished the milk, took out the books from Abbu's desk and went to my room. The books were inside a polythene bag. There was a notebook and a pen too.

Abbu always bought two sets of books- one for me and other for Javed. Javed was my best friend in the class. We were always together. We studied and played together. His father was a poor man. "Abbu ji can't even buy me a new uniform, shoes and books. He is not rich like your Abbu. He says that your Abbu is a kind man.", he used to say. Abbu often helped them financially and bought books for Javed. But this time he bought only one set of books.

I closed the books and went to the window. It had started to rain again. I looked at the picturesque the clouds made and thought about Javed. He used to tell everybody that he saw people and animals in the clouds. "I saw my grandma one day. I even talked to her. She asked me to be a good kid and help Abbu.", he told me.

Javed was very ambitious. He always said that he would study hard and be a rich man one day. "When I am big, I will buy new clothes for Abbu ji. He never buys new dresses for himself.", he said.
Javed was a very funny man. Everything he said and the way he talked made everybody laugh. He used to come to school with a new story everyday. During the recess time, everybody gathered around him to listen to things he had to say and laughter followed.

Javed used to tell us about his Abbu ji. "You know men in uniforms come to our houses with guns. They drag all men out and beat them.", he said. "They took Abbu ji with them last night and when he came back he looked so ugly. His eyes and lips were swollen. He couldn't even call my name properly.", he used to laugh and make fun.

This story was not funny anymore, as we grew older. He got angrier day by day. "Abbu ji is an old man now. How can they treat him like that?", his eyes turned red whenever he told me about it. "Abbu ji says that I am a big boy now. I must take care of myself or else they will take me too.", he even cried many times.

I used to ask Abbu about it. Abbu is a lawyer. He told me that I shouldn't get involved in these things. "We are helping Javed and his family in every possible way we can. There is nothing more we can do for them.", he said.

I was still thinking about Javed when Ammi called me, "Come out for lunch, beta." Abbu was back. I joined Ammi and Abbu at the dining mat (Dastarkhwan). Plates were set and Abbu had already started eating but Ammi was waiting for me. "I saw Javed's mother in the market today. You should go visit them sometime. After all, he was your best friend.", Abbu said to me.

I had never been to Javed's house. He had, however, been to mine many times. "You won't like it. Our house is very small and too dark inside.", he said. Javed had a dream house project added to the list of 'things to do once I am rich' too.

Ammi knew that I wouldn't go to see Javed's parents. "I can come along if you want.", she said. "No. I will go by myself.", I replied.

I finished eating and went back to my room. The rain had stopped. There was lightning and thunders. Those sounded like a loud roar. First there was lightning and then the sound would follow. Javed was scared of these sounds. He used to hide under a tree or something and close his ears. And I would laugh at him whenever he did that.
"You know? The door and windows of my house start shaking when the thunder is on.", he said.

There was one more thing he was scared of- being away from home. He always said that however small his home be, he loved it anyway for there is Abbuji and Ammi ji there.

Javed's house was only half an hour walk away from mine. Ammi asked me to take an umbrella along. She also said that I shouldn't go emptyhanded. She asked me to buy some fruits on my way to Javed's.

When I reached the place, Javed's Ammi was cleaning the yard. I got in and introduced myself as Javed's friend. I hadn't met his family ever. So, his Ammi didn't recognise me but I knew her. Javed had shown me his family photo.

"Come in.", she said and led me inside the house. It was dark inside. There was a single room with three beds in three corners of the room and a small kitchen in the fourth. The rain water got inside the house. Floor and walls were made from mud. She asked me to sit on Javed's bed. "I will get you some sharbat.", she said and left.

She came back with the drink- a glass of lime water- right when Javed's Abbu entered. "Abid ji. You are here.", he said and turned towards his wife, "He is sahab ji's son. Javed and Abid ji were in same class. Make some nice tea for him."

While Javed's mother was busy making tea, Javed's Abbu and I sat there quiet for a while. Then he sighed and said, "You met him a day before, didn't you?" I nodded. He continued, "We never wanted to give up. But now we know he is never coming back." His eyes filled with tears and he looked at his wife. "I have to be strong for her.", he said and wiped off his eyes.

I couldn't stay. I wanted to cry out loud. I got up and said, "I have to go now. Ammi must be waiting." I rushed out of the house without uttering another word. 

I walked through the water and the mud. I had no idea about what was going on around me. It felt like a heavy boulder was placed on my chest that was not letting me breathe properly. My chappals were all covered with mud and the mud had climbed upto to my knees.

I reached the playground. The kids were playing, calling each other and shouting in excitement. Amidst every shout I could  hear Javed's voice, "Run, Abid. Go. Go. Go." And then within a minute every other voice around me disappeared and all I  heard around me was Javed calling my name.

I remembered the last time I had seen him. "They came back last night. They tried to drag Abbuji out but I didn't let them. They just went away.", he had said. He was very uneasy. "They do this all the time. He is my father. I had to stop them.", he cried.

We spent three hours together. He told me how these things made him so angry that he felt like killing people. "These things make me mad.", he said.

"People say that they won't let it go. They never do. They would come back for me. Shall I be scared? I am worried about Abbu ji and Ammi. What if something happens to me?", he just kept talking to himself.

That was the last time I had seen Javed. I had never known that his fears will come true. The next day we heard that Javed was taken away and was nowhere to be found.

Javed had disappeared. Nobody knew about his whereabouts. No one could tell what happened to him. "This was known. This is what they do to our boys. Take them away.", people would say. They were angry but helpless. "These things happen and we don't see anything we can do to change it.", they said.

I didn't leave my house for few weeks. I didn't have Javed with me anymore. But then the memories of Javed started to fade away over time. Javed became just another name in the list.

Like other people I also moved on. But I knew that the burden of loss my heart felt would be there always.

Helping hands

Those hands, visibly veined with a tree like pattern, trembled while the watery eyes, bushed up in between the dense, dark eyelashes and surrounded by crinkled stretch of skin, watched the thread struggle to get inside the eye of the needle. Fatima cursed her glasses. The scene blurred further before her eyes. "Oh, old age.", she muttered. Was it really the age causing troubles? Did the glasses cause the fogginess? Was it really the strain that caused the tears drain out of her eyes? Only Fatima could tell.

Long grey hair, fair wrinkled skin, crooked back, weak legs- Fatima was a perfect combination of beauty and caducity. With her legs crossed, she sat in a wooden sofa, fighting the needle and the thread, her useless glasses, her age and, apparently, the tears.

"Fatima Bi, he is here.", a young lady came in to inform her. "Already? I got so busy making this that I completely lost the track of time. What time is it, Aasiya?", she asked as she used her teeth to cut the thread off a piece of cloth she was working on and held it up for display. "This is beautiful, Bi. It is quarter to one. Shall I ask him to wait?", Aasiya asked. She was looking at the piece of cloth Fatima had been decorating. It was a blue handkerchief with a beautiful rose drawn on it, with the thread. The rose had big petals and a dark green stem and leaves. "Yes, please do that.", she said and got up. She continued as Aasiya started to leave "And offer him something to drink. I will be there soon."

Fatima folded the handkerchief and poured some scent on it. She took it close to her nose to make sure that it smelled good. "Perfect.", she said and smiled to herself.

Fatima closed the almirah and was about to leave the room when the bell rang. "Oh, it is one already. I must rush.", she bolted the door and walked towards her cabin. On her way, she saw another young girl holding an old lady by her hand. "All well?", Fatima replied to the smile with a smile and asked. "Yes, Bibi. Just found her wandering in the garden.", the girl replied pointing towards the old lady. Fatima kept her hand on the shoulder of the woman and said, "Savi, it is lunch time. The bell rang. You should be in the dining hall now. Asma will take you.", she said and asked the girl to take her.

Fatima entered the cabin. Her cabin was a small room with a square table in the right corner and an almirah in the left corner. The table was surrounded by three chairs- Fatima's chair facing the door and other two on the other side of the table.

Fatima could see the back of the person sitting on one of the chairs. She went in to face a boy, who seemed to be in his teens, and her face flushed with joy. "Did they offer you anything? I hope they did else they are in a big trouble.", she said. The boy got up to greet the lady. "Salaam, Badi pufo. How are you?", he asked. "Old and ugly.", she replied and they both laughed.

"Lunch time. What would you like to eat? We don't cook varieties but we cook good.", Fatima asked. Arsalan put hand in his bag and took out a packet. "I have eaten. I got your favorite chana puri.", he handed over the packet to Fatima. "Ah, well. It has been a while. You must taste some too.", she opened the pack.

After they were done eating, they went to the garden. "This place is very nice and peaceful. I will show you around later but let me talk to you well first.", Fatima said to Arsalan. Arsalan held her hand and helped her sit on the bench. "You look weak, Badi Pufo. Weaker than the last time.", he said as he sat down on the grass near her. "Age, son. I am old. But I must tell that I am strong here.", she pointed towards her heart and laughed.

Time passed and they talked about things. "It has been a year, Badi Pufo. Don't you miss home?", Arsalan asked. "They say home is where heart is.", she replied. She looked around and then turned back to ask, " Do your parents know that you came to visit me? Do they ever talk about wanting to see me?"

The bond between Fatima and Arsalan was old and strong. Fatima had been there since his birth. Fatima was Arsalan's grandaunt. They all lived in the same house- Arsalan, Arsalan's father, Arsalan's mother and Fatima- untill Arsalan's mother Zohra started to have problems with taking care of an old person. "Who takes care of an aunt? She doesn't have her own kids to take care of her, why should I suffer? I have got my own life, Wahid. I can't do it. You have to get a maid to look after her or send her to your cousin's.", Zohra would tell her husband. The fights and arguments forced Fatima to leave the house for good. Wahid never tried to stop her or even reach her.

Arsalan, however, loved and missed his Badi Pufo a lot. Being a kid, he didn't have much say in this matter.

"Too early, Badi Pufo. They will miss you but now is not the time.", Arsalan replied. "Sometimes I think that would the thing have been different if it was your grandmother? Your mother was right. Who takes care of an aunt?", Fatima sighed and continued, "Nevermind. How is school?"

Arsalan told Fatima about his friends and teachers. He also told her about his grades and that he was a favorite of everyone in the school.

"Badi Pufo, I will take you home one day, when I am big enough to take care of you.", Arsalan told Fatima. "Oh, my sweet child. Your Badi Pufo won't live that long. I am happy here. I am helping people. God bless your grandfather. I am so thankful that he left this little money for his sister and I could start this project. It brings me pride and peace.", she said.

Then Fatima took Arsalan around the house. "This is our kitchen. And that is Haleema, our cook.", she said as they entered the kitchen. "Haleema, you know my grandson, don't you?", she asked the cook. Haleema smiled and replied, "Yes.", turned towards Arsalan and said, "Fatima Bi talks about you a lot. I am glad that I got a chance to meet you."

Fatima took Arsalan in a room where all the housemates were present. "Ladies, this is my grandson Arsalan." Arsalan greeted them all. Fatima held his hand and took him to the broad who was standing at the window. "Savi?", she called. It was the same woman Fatima had seen with Asma at lunch time. "My grandson.", she pointed towards Arsalan. Savi smiled, ran her hand over Arsalan's head and kissed the boy on his forehead. "That was Savi, Arsalan. The first lady I met after I left home. She was alone too. She is a very good friend but we could never be real friends. She forgets things. Some disease of brain.", Fatima told Arsalan as they left the room.

It was time for Arsalan to leave. Fatima walked him to the gate. "Arsalan, this year has been tough. I do not feel very well now. Do not wait too long to come back. Come again soon.", she said.

They reached the gate and Fatima hugged him. "You know? You are a big boy now.", she said. Fatima realised that Arsalan was growing up and she believed that he would grow up into a decent and caring man. "Son, visit them after I am dead. They need a helping hand here.", she said.

Arsalan was upset. He had something to say. He wished Fatima would look up in his eyes and know the problem. "Badi Pufo, I am going away. They are sending me abroad for higher studies. This  might be the last time you are seeing me.", he wanted to tell Fatima but couldn't.

Fatima on the other hand wished his son would come to see her every day. She knew that she didn't have much life left. But deep in her heart she had a feeling that those strong hands would not be there to hold her weak ones anymore. Little did she know that her fear was going to come true. She gathered courage to look up and when she saw Arsalan's eyes she sighed. She had seen something. She couldn't look for long. The fogginess was back. "I wish, son, to see you again.", she said and pushed him away as if asking him to leave. And as he started walking away, she whispered, "And not all wishes come true. Not all wishes come true.

Fatima sat on the nearest bench as the old wet eyes watched Arsalan disappear. In her worst state of health, Fatima only lived to see her grandson again.

"It is a vampire hunt, mates. We are looking for a heartless blood sucker or many of them.", Jake turned around to imform the team. He seemed too confident about it. Everybody in the room turned silent and looked at the white board where Becky had written 'VAMPIRE HUNT' in capital letters.
We were a team of nine. Jake was our leader and Becky led the girls. Our leader was smarter, sharper and stronger but the girls, being girls, would not admit. Then there was Smith, Alex, Lisa, Emma, Ron, me and Barney, the dog.
"Oh my God. I am sorry, Captain. I won't be able to work on this case. Even if the vampire spares me, my mom won't. Call me back if you need someone to find a lost Grand dad or a dog.", Alex got up to leave. Did I mention that Alex was a chicken heart? And that her mother was the scariest creature I had ever seen on animal planet? If I ever had to choose between being Alex and being Mowgli, I would have chosen 'being Barney'.
"Stop that chicken, Barn.", Jake shouted. Barney was the smartest member in the team. He was Jake's dog. Jake believed that he and his dog were over qualified for the job and that they were doing a favor to the team by being there. I was a fan of Jake too but that was not important right now. Barney pulled Alex back to his seat. Jake went to him and asked, "Are we a team of cowards, mate? Do you not remember  the pledge we took when all of us joined this team?", he turned and said," Becky, please tell one of your girls to repeat the words we swore on."
"That we would protect the dogs and weak old grand parents of the society", Lisa volunteered to speak these words.
"But this is a cat, captain.", Alex protested.
"I get your point, Alex. But tell me, what do our dogs feast upon on their birthdays? The cats. Don't they? Every cat issue is a dog issue.", Becky said. Everybody clapped and praised her smartness. Alex couldn't say no to this and stayed. This was one of the rarest moments when Leader Jake praised Co-leader Becky too.
Jake pointed towards a table that was lying in a corner. It was a wooden plank adjusted on few bricks. There was a board by the right leg which said 'Examination cell'.
Jake started walking towards the table and we followed him. He took a stick from the small box that was lying next to the table and said," Look, mates. This is Mrs. Doyle's cat, Jess. Smith found it in the garden. See those marks?", he pointed towards the wounds on Jess's neck and continued," These are bite marks and I believe.. Ummm..  I mean Beckie and I believe that these are caused by a vampire." He wouldn't have mentioned Beckie if she hadn't given him an I-will-kill-you-stare.
"And we have to find the... ", Beckie stopped and I uttered "sucker?" She didn't seem very impressed by my remark. Every face turned towards me, then looked at Beckie and turned back to the dead cat.
"Barney? Jake, I think Barney smells something. Some clue, may be.", Alex exclaimed. Barney was sniffing around the body and then licked it. "Oh yes, look our genius Barney smells something. I guess food. Any other guessess? Anybody?", Ron laughed and other girls followed.
Jake assigned work to everyone. Smith, Emma, Ron and I went to check the garden. Alex and Lisa were sent to check around the city if there were any other victims. Jake and Beckie took Barney along to talk to the Mrs. Doyle.
In the park...
"Does anybody know what exactly are we looking for? Because I don't.", Ron sounded disappointed. "A fallen vampire tooth? Blood? I don't know. Foot prints?", I thought of few things we could be searching. Emma looked around and said, "All I see is our footprints all over the wet muddy place. Why do Jake and Beckie get to do the cleanest job always?" She didn't like all the mud sticking to her shoes.
While the three of us were talking, Smith was busy smelling the flowers and watching the plants.
"Done, mates. I collected enough stuff to catch the murderer. Let us head back.", Smith pointed towards a translucent bag in his hand and smiled proudly. Ron and Emma exchanged looks. Emma took that bag from Smith's hand and said, "Let us see what has Detective Smith got in his little magic bag."  We didn't call each other as detectives unless meant sarcastically. Smith let her take the bag easily but with a warning,"Easy, Emm, you wouldn't want to ruin the only clues that can lead us to the killer."
"Ok, Smith", Emma put her hand inside the bag to take out things and said,"A biscuit pack because?"
"I believe these biscuits were used by the killer for snacking with the blood.", Smith replied.
"A toothpick because?", Emma put her hand in again and took put a used dirty toothpick. Ron had an eww look on her face.
"Because I think that the killer used and threw it here.", Smith said.
Emma didn't want to put her hand in again. She returned the bag to Smith. "And Detective Smith, how will we know if these things you believe are true or not?", Ron asked. "I don't know. I can't do everything. That is for the team to decide.", Smith said and walked to the exit.
Back at the shed...
By the time we got back, everybody had come. Beckie was telling everyone how useless had the chat with Mrs. Doyle gone. "We returned her cat's body. All she said was that she will kill the monster who did this to Jess.", she said.
"Hey, guys. You are back too. Any luck?", Jake looked at me with a raised brow. "Luck favored Detective Smith only. He has something for you.", Ron winked and sat on her seat.
Jake checked the bag, the things and asked the same questions, "How can we know if these were killer's? And how will these things help us to catch the killer?"
"We can take these to Paddy's lab. I am sure he will know what to do with these.", Alex said. Jake was not happy with the idea. He ignored Alex's remark.
There was a reason behind our all-kids-team and that was that Jakr made us realise that our parents didn't take us seriously because we were 'just kids', 'good for nothing kids', 'can do nothing on their own kids' etc.
"You mean seek help from an elder, Alex?", Beckie said, "No. We are not doing that."
Jake seemed disappointed. He took the marker and made a small circle on the board. "This is our today's progress. Zero. We need to work harder, mates.", he said.
"Yes. Tomorrow Jake and I will take Barney with us and talk to Mrs. Doyle again. And you all can get back to your work. Results, people. We want results.", Beckie continued when Jake finished talking. 
Next day, Jake and Beckie left with Barney to visit Mrs. Doyle again. Rest of us stayed. "I am not doing garden again. You boys go to check the garden and we will go around the city.", Emma said.
"Yes. And you've got Detective Smith with you. No worries. Right, girls?", Ron giggled.
We went to turn the leaves in the garden. Girls wandered all around the city.
Later that day when we returned to the shed, girls were already back. Jake and Beckie were sitting there in their chairs. Barney was tied with his chain and he was sitting so quiet. Jake always left Barney unchained.
"Something is wrong.", Smith whispered. Even the girls were silent. We just pushed each other forward and sat down.
"Jake?", I called his name. Everyone was eager to know whay had happened. "Guys, turns out that our guess about a vampire being the killer was wrong. We will have to drop this case.", Jake said.
Beckie interupted, "Seriously, Jake? This is how you tell the truth to our team? You promised you won't hide anything. Ok, guys", she turned towards us and continued,"We went to see Mrs. Doyle today and we took Barney along. Mrs. Doyle recognised and almost killed the 'Monster' who killed Jess. Turned out that our victim cat was Barney's birthday feast food."
The room roared with exclamations. All thought so big of the smart dog Barney. But now he was a culprit tied in chains.

Protégeme

The silhouette of the moonlit curled and contorted branches on my wall only got scarier day by day. They would form a new pattern every night. I spent nights with my head burried under the rug, watching the spooky figures dangle in breeze. I heard voices which I always wanted to believe were only in my head and not for real but I was not sure. Tonight was no different. I did not feel safe in this house anymore, not since Julian left.

Dad got a call this morning that we could have her back. I was really glad about it. I believed things will be back to normal once Julian is back in the house.

About two months ago, the family had to move to this new place. We were rich enough to buy the biggest property in the town. I loved our new house unlike Julian who always had a problem accepting the change. "Big houses like this one are usually haunted. You watch movies, don't you?", she had this habit of scaring me by telling me such stories and it worked everytime.

Ours being the biggest property covered a large area. The house stood in the extreme right corner of the land and to the left of it was a big garage. Rest of the land had not been put to use. Dad was working on a plan to make that land useful.

Julian and I took the two adjacent rooms in the first floor of three storeyed house. The outside view from both the rooms was almost same. At the back of our house was a land, which once was a cementery. The land now belonged to some I-do-not-know-who. There stood an incompletely built structure on that land which did not seem to be completed anytime soon. There was a tree close to the wall of our house whose branches extended to the windows of both our rooms. Mom and Dad took the one room downstairs.

First three nights went so well. Everybody, Julian included, was having a great time. We all liked the new place a lot. Until on the forth night we heard some cries. "Honey, What is it?", mom asked. "Julian's room.", dad pointed and rushed upstairs to check on Julian. Mom and I followed him. Julian was standing near the window, weeping. Her eyes were all red. Mom held me closer to her. "Julian? Julian, what happened? Why aren't you in your bed?", Dad asked as he pulled her away from that window. She didn't speak a word. She was scared but what frightened her, she won't tell. Mom stayed with Julian that night and Dad stayed with me.

Next morning Dad tried to talk Julian into what happened the previous night. She didn't remember anything. She was very normal in the morning. Julian and I went out to see the market and get us few things. We stopped to grab something to eat. "Ben, did you see what happened last night? You were there, weren't you?" Julian started talking. I was surprised to hear that. "But you told dad that you did not remember anything about last night. Why would you lie?", I asked. "Yes, I lied because I was not sure about what I saw. You know I heard some voices last night. Somebody was outside my window. He was dragging something, made from iron perhaps. When I got up to look out, I saw a...", Julian stopped when I interrupted, "Julian, if this is one of your ugly tricks to scare your little brother, then let me tell you I am not a little boy anymore." I, however, was scared to the bones.

After the dinner that night, we helped mom with dishes. Mom and Dad were trying to make sure that Julian was fine. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight, Jules?", mom asked. "No, mom. I will be fine.", Julian smiled and ran upstairs. I, on the other hand, wanted to ask mom to stay with me but I had to stick to the manly words I said to Julian about being a grown up.

Later that night, I was fast asleep when I heard some cries again. This time those cries were not coming from Julian's room but my room. I turned and tossed off the bed to find Julian standing at my window shouting at somebody, "Get out of here. You can't scare us. Do you understand that? Don't you dare frighten my little brother or hurt him, you scar faced ugly man." "Julian, what is wrong with you? What are you doing in my room? And who are you shouting at? The tree?", I hated her for making me shiver with fear. "Shhhhhhh, Ben. Get back. I don't want you near this window. That man standing there with an axe says that he wants to hurt you.", she pushed me away. I ran downstairs to my parents. Dad came upstairs and found Julian sleeping in my bed, like she had been sleeping there for a long time.

"Benno, why don't you go and sleep with your mother? I will close the window and be back in a while. Ok, son?", Dad asked me to leave the room.

"Did Benno sleep?", I heard Dad talking to mom, "I checked everything. The window, her room. There is nobody there. Must be a bad dream. Go back to sleep."

Next morning again, Julian was as normal as she was the day before. "Good morning, parents. Hey, Ben. Sleep well?", she took a loaf of bread from the table and sat down on a chair. I prefered to not look at her. "Julian, are you fine?", mom asked. "Yes, mom. Never been better. Why?", she replied. Mom just ended the conversation with a nod. Dad left for work and mom went back to the kitchen. Julian looked at me. I am sure she could see the fear in my eyes very clearly. "Ben, I am not letting him hurt you. You don't need to worry about it. Alright, brother?", she whispered. She remembered last night too. Why was she lying to mom and dad? What was going on in her mind?

Things worsened when Julian disappeared one night. Dad found her in the garage next morning. "Julian, what is going on with you? Why were you in garage last night? And how did you leave the house? I found the door locked from inside this morning.", Dad interrogated but Julian was in no mood to tell the truth. "She is lying to you, dad. She lied about the other two nights too. She remembers everything.", I had to let them know. But who believes the youngest kid when the older one cries. "Ok. Ok. Now here is the deal. None of you two leaves the house without telling your mom or me.", Dad set the rules.

That afternoon I was busy drawing pictutes in my room. I didn't leave the room till mom called us for lunch. Julian was already there. I didn't talk to her and sat on my chair. "What do think you were doing this morning? You know telling them the truth can cause you trouble. I am just trying to protect you.", Julian sounded so furious. Mom came with the food and she stopped talking. She gave me an enraged look and started eating the food.

She came to my room later that day. She talked with a nicer tone, "I jumped out of the window last night and hurt my ankle.", she showed me her swollen ankle.

At first, dad thought he could handle the things himself but then he gave up and went for some medical help. Doctors told dad that Julian's presence in the house could make other kids uneasy. So, she was sent to an asylum.

After having her locked up for a month, they were letting her out tomorrow. Next morning when I got up, I got properly dressed and combed my hair well. I was all ready to see my sister. I went downstairs to find mom working in the kitchen. "Mom, where is dad? He has to go get Julian back from the assylum.", I pulled a chair out and sat on it. "Yes, son. Yiur dad left already. They must be reaching home anytime.", she replied.

I heard the car engine come to a halt right at front of our door. I ran out to see Julian. Dad took out a bag from the back of the car and asked me to take it inside the house. "Julian? Where is Julian?", Mom came running. "Julian, get out of the car. Your mother and brother are eager to see you.", Dad knocked at the window of the back seat. Door opened and there she stood right in front of us.

We all brought her in. Dad asked her to go and freshen up. She went to her room upstairs. Julian looked different. She was quiet and frail. The dark circles under her eyes made her look weaker.

"Doctors said that they did a lot of  tests on Julian. The results were normal. She behaved normal. No violence, no crying, no nightmares. So, they discharged her sooner.", Dad passed Julian's reports to mom. "Dad, is something wrong with the house? Because Julian has been behaving weirdly since we moved here.", I was not finished yet but Dad hushed me. He welcomed Julian to have breakfast with her family after such a long time.

Julian stayed in her room all day long. She had locked herself in the room. We got to see her only at the dinner table. "Julian, if you have any problem staying alone in your room you can shift to Ben's room and stay with him.", Dad told her. I was glad that I would get to spend more time with my sister but she refused. She finished her food, went upstairs and locked her room from inside.

Following day went well too. Julian spent most of her time with the family. Mom and Dad were really happy to see Julian well and fine.

One fine morning, mom came to my room to wake me up, "Ben, wake up. Granny is not well. Your dad and I are going to see her. Look after your sister and the house well. We will be back tomorrow."

They left. Julian and I waved them off. Julian had not had any real conversation with me since she got back. "Do you hate me?", I asked. "No, I don't. Go to your room and study.", she replied. We didn't see each other during the day. I went downstairs for lunch but she didn't come. She didn't come out for dinner also. I was worried for her and angry with the way she had been behaving.

I went to Mom and dad's room and started crying, "Why, mom? Why did you think that it was safe to leave me alone with her?" Julian heard me and came out of her room to look for me. "Ben? Ben, where are you?, she entered the room, "what are you crying about?" She found me sitting in a dark corner with my head down on knees. She tried to reach me. "Why are you acting so different? I thought things would be same when you are back but now I don't like having you back.", I told her.  She walked a step back , "it is because, Ben, I don't like it anymore. Lying to mom and dad is not good."

"But you said you would protect me.", I looked up to see her. "I did, din't I?", she sat down at a distance and sighed, "and I am still protecting you, Ben." Just then she looked at something and shouted, "What is that on your arm, Ben? Is that blood?" I looked down and saw a lot of blood oozing out of that wound. "Did you hurt yourself?", she asked. "No, Jules, you hurt me.", I replied, "I just cut myself with this knife, like this." I made another incision on my arm. "Stop it, Ben.", she shouted at me. "No, Julian. I don't stop, you protect me and if you can't do that then Daddy's favorite kid may have to go back to the assylum.", I continued cutting my arm. She slapped me hard to get me rid of that knife. I ran out of that room and hid in a kitchen almirah. She came after me but she couldn't see me. "Ben, please come out and talk to me. Tell me what do you want me to do?", she demanded, "I lied to our parents about my health. I never let them know that it was you who cried all the night and not me. I never told them that I spent that night in garage because I saw you leaving the house through the window and followed you. And then you locked me out. I prevented you from going to that assylum by not letting them know that you were the one who needed medical help, Ben." She searched places to find me as she continued to talk, "But, Ben, we should tell them. They will help you. This thing with your virtual scar faced friend is getting ugly now and see, you end up hurting yourself." She started looking in the kitchen. She had the knife in her hand. She reached the almirah I was in and before she could open it, I pushed the door hard and she fell down. I ran upstairs now. I stumbled over the stairs and hurt myself.

"Shhhh. She is looking for us. She hates you and if she tells mom and dad about you, they will hate you too.", I talked to Scar. That is what I called my friend. He was always there. When everyone thought that I was alone, he was with me. Julian knew about him. I told her and showed her Scar's pictures too. I had drawn a lot of them.

I never had any problem with the moving but I didn't like leaving my friends behind. I met Scar in this house and he said that he would never let me leave. He said that he would find a way and make me stay forever. I told him that I would take him along when we move next time but he said that he could not leave the house. So, I had to stay for him.

Scar was now scared that Julian will tell Dad everything and they will take me away. So, he asked me to let him handle it his way. He had a plan and cutting me was a part of it.

Julian came into the room. She knew I was hiding in one of my almirahs. I came out and hit her hard with my baseball stick because Scar asked me to. She fell unconcious. I sat besides her. I didn't like hurting my sister. She should have listened to us.

Next day began. Julian was still sleeping on the floor. "Ben? Jules?", I heard mom call out our names. They were home. A few slaps to myself and few head to wall bumps and I was all set to face mom.

"Mom.", I ran downstairs and hugged her. "What happened to you? Where is your sister?", she made me sit down on a chair and checked my bruises. She called out for dad. Dad saw me and went to check Julian. "She hurt me. She cut me with a knife and hit me. Please call the doctor to check her again.", I said. 

How could they let a monster, who hurt a liittle boy, stay. She had a story to tell but nobody believed her. They called the assylum and sent her back. After everybody believing that Julian had shown some violent signs, they were not letting her out anytime soon. Scar was happy that our secret was safe.

"Hearth"

Baburam stirred the boiling tea, raised the spoon to a height and then dropped the tea back into the vessel. 'Tossing the tea like this makes it more tasty.', he explained to the new help standing right next to him, while greeting the customers who had just joined.

The arrangement of Baburam's tea stall was simple yet warm. There was an earthen hearth under the wooden roof, which itself stood on wooden pillars. There were no walls but plastic sheets covering the four sides, leaving a little space open for the boys to leave. Outside this small kitchen lay a few wooden benches for the customers to sit on and a large plastic sheet covering their heads. The mixture of aroma of tea and the incense from burning wood made the place so warm.

I had been sitting there in my special seat for five minutes, looking at the ways Baburam played with the boiling tea. He poured tea in three steel mugs, smiled at me and said, "Bas, sahib, do minute aur.(Sir, just two more minutes.)" The tea vessel was placed on the stove again. Extra milk, scent of cardamoms and the cream floating in the mug made my tea different from others'.

The special treatment I got in Baburam's tea stall always flattered me. "Yeh hamare master ji hain. Inke liye inki khaas kursi lao. Yeh baqi sab ki tarah in phattun par nahin baithte. Khaas grahak hain hamare. Samjhe? (This is our master ji. Get him his special chair. He doesn't sit on these benches like everyone else. He is our special customer. Understand?)", he explained to every new helper in his stall.

The cream swimming over the casserole of redolence of cardamoms was lying on my table. I was served by the owner himself. Baburam carried a small table and placed it right next to me, sat on it and said, "Sahib, kal pehli taareekh hai. Khatt likhwana tha. (Sir, tomorrow is the first day of new month. Write a letter for me, will you?)".

On the first of every month, Baburam would come to me and ask me to write a letter to his son. His son was away working in some city. Baburam would send him some money and a letter every month.

"Zarur. Baburam, har maheene ek he baat likhwate ho. Kabhi jawab bhi aaya kisi khatt ka?(Sure. Baburam, you ask me to write the same things in your letter every month. Does he ever write back?)", I said as I took out the pen and a notepad from my pocket. "Sahib, woh janta hai ki uska pita padh likh nahin sakta. Kya jawaab dega? (Sahib, he knows his father can not read. What will he reply?"), he smiled and looked down to the ground.

I started writing the letter- 'Dear son, hope you are doing good. Sending some money. Your mom misses you and wishes to see you soon. Take care.' That was all Baburam would want me to write always. He missed his son too but never wrote about it.

Two days later, while I was reading a book at my desk in my room, I sighted Baburam running towards my house. It was raining very heavily. He had covered his head with a piece of cloth that would usually hang around his neck. He took big steps to run faster and prevent his feet from falling into the ruts filled with muddy water. I got up and opened the door. "Kya hua, Baburam? (What is the matter, Baburam?)", I asked. He was in no condition to reply and let himself fall to the ground. He covered his eyes with the cloth and said, "Sahib, meri biwi bimar hai. (Sahib, my wife is sick)".

I had never seen Baburam so helpless. He sat there at my door, panting heavily. He managed to wipe the tears off his face. "Sahib, mere bete ko khatt likhiye aur usse kahiye ki uski maa bohat bimar hai. Usse kahiye ki woh usse bohat yaad karti hai aur ek aakhri baar usse dekhna chahti hai. (Sahib, please write a letter to my son and tell him that his mother is very sick. Tell him she misses him a lot and wants to see him one last time.)", he cried.

"Sahib, Main bhi usse yaad karta hoon lekin uski maa usse bohat yaad karti hai. Isi wajah se woh bimar padh gayi. Doctor kehte hain woh nahin bachegi. Woh bete ke baare mein har waqt poochti rehti hai. Main usse kya kahun? (Sahib, I miss him too but his mother misses him more. That made her sick. Doctor says she won't survive this. She keeps asking about her son all the time. What shall I tell her?)", helpless Baburam expected a solution from his master ji but how could I help when I didn't even know if his son got any letters I wrote.

"Ghar jao, Baburam. Apni biwi ke paas jao. Main tumhare bete ko jald se jald khatt bhej dunga. (Go home, Baburam. Go to your wife. I will post a letter to your son as soon as possible.)", I tried to make him feel better. After he left, I started writing a letter to his son. I told him how much his parents missed him, how thankless he had been for all these years for not replying to any of his father's letter and how he made his mother so sick that she would die soon.

I never saw Baburam after that day. That cold rain destroyed the warmth of his stall too. I wasn't sure if his son got my last letter too or did he not get any. People say that Baburam was not seen by anybody after his wife died.

"Incognizance"

As far as I could see, the street was deserted. It was the sudden change of climate that was keeping the people inside. I had wrapped myself up pretty well. A jacket made from fur, a woolen cap knitted by my grandma and a muffler round my neck were enough to keep away the chill. As I walked down the lane hurriedly with my hands inside the pocket, I realised that I was being followed by a shadow. That shadow could not be mine. It had four legs and a snout. I turned around to find two eyes looking at me. It was a dog. I wanted to hush him away but I could see in his eyes that  didn't want to be left alone. I let him come along.

I reached the place I started for. I was about to pull the door when the dog started licking my shoes. He wanted to come in. "Tiger", I named him instantly,"Go away. You are not allowed to come in. Go."

I rubbed my hands as I walked into the bar. It was warm inside. I took off the cap and unwound the muffler. I looked around. Every face in the room looked familiar. It was the regular bunch of people who visited the place often. All were busy chatting.

Of all the places I visited, this place was my favorite. I would come here every evening, talk to my friends, listen to their never ending non-sense, get drunk and forget all about the hectic day that had just passed.

I spotted my peeps sitting in a corner and a smile blossomed on my face. I started rushing towards the table. I almost bumped into a waiter. God knows how he managed to avoid the collision. Sorry I said but he was too much in a hurry to care.

There were five of us. Peter, David, Star, Singh and me. A gang of oldies. "Hey, boys", I greeted them and pulled out a chair. I noticed there was one another seat empty. "Star absent?", I asked. They were too busy to reply to the greet or my question.

Pete, among us all, was the most talkative man. He would talk senseless things and always find a logic behind every non-sense he said. He was very proud of his sense of humor. "It is God gifted", he would say. Nobody ever found his jokes funny but everybody laughed at them. "How big are the dinosaurs? Very big. Hahaha.", and our laughs would follow. Nonsense.

Pete was keeping them busy this time too. "You don't know the answer? Too bad. It is so easy.", he said. "What is the question, guys?", I asked the other two. No reply yet again.

I wanted to call out for the waiter but I could see none. Why is Star not with them? Is he not well? Too busy? Just then Pete's laughter broke out on the table. "This makes no sense. You made this up.", Singh was protesting while David was beating the table with his palm, "I knew this one. I should have guessed it. I am forgetting things. I am getting old", he said shaking his head in disappointment. I wanted to laugh out loud but retrograded  . Singh never liked people laughing at his failures.

"Drink. I need a drink. Waiter!", Pete called out, "Drink at table no. 5". "Make it two", I said. The boy came with drinks in a minute. With just one drink! Why was everyone so indifferent? "Are you still angry at the way my wife behaved? That was two weeks ago. Stop behaving like kids.", I tried to talk to them. They were not paying any attention.

My wife, Lisa, didn't like my hanging out with these people. "You come home late and you come home drunk. Need I say more why I hate your friends?", she would say. My friends knew about the way Lisa feels. We would go to Pete's, David's, Star's or Singh's after getting drunk but they never came to my house. That one day had they dared to come, Lisa got really upset and showed them out of the house. I wanted to stop her but she didn't listen.

None of the three answered. Pete was staring at his glass, shaking the liquid. "Any word from Star? How is he now?", he asked. "Talked to his son in the morning. The accident was too bad. He is recovering.", Singh replied. "And Lisa? How is she coping up?", David said, "Anyone talk to her?" His question made all uneasy. "Not after she pushed us out of the house and didn't not let us join the funeral of our dear friend.", Singh replied in disgust.

I remember the last time five of us met, we all got drunk. Star was too drunk- too drunk to drive. He met with an accident that day. I was with him. In that car. Thank God, I was not driving. Lisa would have been angry with me too. She still doesn't respond when I try to talk as if I am not there.

I wanted to tell them that Lisa's anger was genuine. But they started to leave and so did I.

God bless Murphy!

Something was making me uneasy. What was it? A dream? A nightmare? No. It was a sound. You know those tones that penetrate through your ear canal to reach your tympanic membrane and you end up thinking, "Oh crap! I am late."?

As soon as the dopey and drowsy me got up to dismiss the alarm I realised that it was not my thingamabob that was slugging my eardrums with the vocal pellets. I still had a sixtieth of the hour for few z's.

The hunt for the source of the nonharmonious sounds was on. I had to, at any cost, find the pitiless and destroy it. Just then the door buzzer rang. I got up to check. I found the newspaper lying on the door mat. Nobody in our house read these newspaper. These were instead used for cleaning when Lina , Mom's mouser, pooped all over the place.

I dropped the gazzette on the table amd went into the kitchen to look for something to eat. I realised that the day, with Mom out of the station, was going to be tough.

"Yuvi, be responsible. Lock the door. Take good care of your brother. Don't leave him alone. Don't fight with him.", Mom had listed many such things-to-do on a paper and left it by the fridge. "I never do, Mom. That boy seldom talks.", I protested.

The problem with my brother, Jai, was that he didn't talk at all.  Technically, I was to spend the day with my brother but Practically and substantially I was alone. It was like being alone in a room with five walls- One of which moved, ate things, played games, read books.

"Jai, Back from school?" "Hmmm."

"Jai, is Mom home?" "Hmmm."

"Jai, Are you even listening?" "Hmmm."

I had to wake that brat up and prepare breakfast for him.

"Jai. Dude. Wake up.", I tried to pull him out of his drowsiness. I knew this was going to be tough. "Hmmm", he replied. Tougher. "Jai. Wake up, man.", I tried again. He didn't even humm this time. That boy never took me seriously.

"Jai. Get up in half an hour or no meal for you.", I meant it by all my heart. I hated cooking. There is nothing to like but to hate is the dirty apron, the smell coming from all over your body. You smell like you have just been pressure cooked in ginger-garlic water. It was decided. I was going to spend all my savings and order food from the cheapest restaurant in town.

Thanks to the short lived beguin I developed for our first maid when I was 11, I knew how to fry eggs. I would notice her all day amd follow her everywhere.

Breakfast : check.
Lunch : What to do?

Thing was that I wish I did but I never saved any money. Circumstances were pushing me into the tarn of garlic. I had to cook something. I got into the kitchen and opened the drawer. Tater was staring at me with its multiple eyes. Oh I hate you, murphy. Shall I make tossed salad? Or chips? Or...  Umm.. argggghh I was hating my life right now. So, at last, Waldorf salad I made which nobody ate. Because potatoes were uncooked. But I tried.

I was pretty much sure that Jai won't let me cook anything now. I could do without dinner and so could he, at least after having the salad I made.

As soon as the it was the time for din-din, Jai took out the phone book, looked for some number and dialed. The shrimp ordered a pizza on phone. Who did he think would pay for it? His brother? Not at all.

I sat on the sofa and looked at him from behind the newspaper so that he doesn't notice. He ended the call and moved to his attire, took out his treasure chest which I always believed to be full of disfigured dolls, dismantled superheroes and trinkets. He took out a case and took out something- RICHES. This midget saved money!

Pizza came, he paid, we ate. He was sent to a very good school in town. They taught him good things like sharing food and toys. I never went to one of those school. I feel bad for him. Time to hit the sack. But before that I need to note down some importany things on my diary.

1. Stalking , people in general and housemaids in particular, is good.
2. Save money.
3. Cook potatoes well.
4. Newspapers are useful, after all.
5. There is a lot of treasure in Jai's almirah.
6. When needful, try calling Jai. He talks on phone.

I was so proud of myself. I felt like President of America. I pulled up the quilt. Two more days before mom comes back. I knew we would survive. Jai had enough money to afford six more meals. I patted myself on head and ZzzZzzZ..

He was gazing at the rain drops falling against the window pane. At the desk, right in front of him, was a blank piece of paper, wrinkled. Sunk in his thoughts, he sat there in the davenport with furrowed brows as if being displeased over his failure to recollect some memories. He uncreased the paper and sighed.

He wanted to write something. He had a pen right there on the desk. What was stopping him then? He was restless. He straightened his back and started tapping his foot. He, then, rested his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands. Foot-tapping continued. He was very restless. He got up to gander out of the window. The rain was making no sound. The silence of the room was killing him. He took out his tux from the almirah, wore it and left the room.

"Hey, John. Up already? Breakfast?', the landlady was setting the table downstairs. "Good morning, Mrs. Gilbert. I think I will skip the breakfast. Going out to get some air.", he answered. "Ok. Your wish. So, written anything new? Or writing anything? You should let us read.", she said. "Ummm. Nothing. No writing. I will. Leaving now.", he uttered and left the house.

"Who was it?", Mr. Gilbert joined his wife for the breakfast. "John went out for a walk. Poor boy. That man knew how to play with words and please people. But now, not only does he not write anything but also refrains from speaking.", she sighed.

John was an unpublished writer. He used to say that he would be world famous the day he gets published and he had been working on it. All would know him and recognize his writing. "Mrs. Gilbert, you should know that yours truly won't be living with you for long now. Once I get published I will be famous and rich. I will have my own big house with no landlady eager to ball me up all the time.", he would laugh and tell Mrs. Gilbert.

John ran to the other side of the road and started walking down the path. He just kept walking without paying any attention to people or things happening around him. Hands in the pocket and head down. He was looking at the patterns made by the raindrops on the dry ground. By the time he reached the cafe, it had stopped raining. He went inside, took off his coat and hung it by the chair. "Hey John. How have you been man? Long time, no see.", the shop owner greeted him with a broad smile.

"Hello. Just been busy.", John replied briefly, "I will have a coffee." "Yes Boss. One coffee coming your way.", owner replied. John had known the owner, Dave, for five years. He used to come to this shop often. He would sit on the same table every time and scribble on paper napkin.

John looked all over the table and then sat quiet. He looked out the window. He watched people walk by, smile, greet each other. "Looking for something, John? A pen and a paper maybe?", Dave took out a pen and napkin from his drawer and presented it to John. John sat quiet with shady smile on his face. Dave left the pen and paper on his table.

After finishing his coffee, he took up the pen. He scribbled something and left. The paper was lying there on the table with something written on it. Written on it was:

"That Flame Gutted my Fame, It will never be same, ever again. Never again."

Absolution

"Next", shouted the man in a black coat. The place was so crowded. They were pulling a man out of the room like a donkey. He didn't look up even once. The man with a stick would hit him again and again.

"Move. Move fast. Where do you think you are? At some recreational park?", he said.

"Look boy", said the Hawaldar standing next to me, "This is what they do to people like you. You will learn a lesson soon. Do you see that man? Handcuffed? He killed a Seth for money."

That man's eyes were so full of guilt. He was ashamed. He didn't look up even once. The policeman would hit him but he didn't utter a word.

"When I leave that room I would not be ashamed. What for? I didn't do any wrong.", I thought to myself.

"Your turn, kid. Get up. We have to go in now.", the Hawaldar said and pulled my collar. As we entered the room, everyone looked at me as if in astonishment. "He is the culprit? He seems young. What would be his age? 14? Or 15? Not any more, I bet. God show him the right path", said a lady sitting in the corner. Soon silence invaded the room. Bade sahib was sitting there, checking the papers related to my case. I was told that he would decide my fate today.

"He seems nice. He won't punish me.", I was telling myself. Bade sahib looked at me over his glasses and then took them off. "So boy, these papers say that you killed someone. Do you have to say anything about it?"

I was 14 then. Lived in a small hut with my Maa and Baba. My Baba was a policeman. Maa used to take care of the house, fields, farms and everything. She also worked in other houses for money. She would finish her work at home early and leave. Then she would get back right before the sunset.

"Your Baba will be coming anytime. Go study. You know that he doesn't like your playing around all the time", she would say. "Ammi, Baba won't notice. And he is angry all the time.", I  joked.

Ammi and Baba had been married for 25 years. Ammi was just 16 when she married Abbu.

"Your Nana Abbu wanted to find a handsome and well paid groom for me. I would find you a prince and you will rule he used to say. But he didn't live that long.", she said.

Ammi used to tell me stories from her childhood. That Nana Abbu took care of her. That he fulfilled all her wishes.  "Your Nani Ammi died when I was 4. Your Nana Abbu brought me up after that. He never married again because he feared that the second mother won't love me.", she told me, "I was the most lucky kid. But after your Nana Abbu died everything changed. I married your Baba and everything changed." She heaved a sigh. She was not happy with my Baba.

"Boy, do you have anything to say about this? Did you kill anyone?", Bade Sahib shouted.

"My Baba. That someone I killed was my Baba. I killed my Baba.", I replied.

Baba used to be out  all day and come home drunk. She beated Ammi, cursed her, abused her. But she never let him touch me. "Go to your room Asif. Don't you see your Baba is angry. Go to your room and lock it from inside.", she said. I would run to my room and hide there. I could easily hear Ammi crying and Abbu abusing and beating her. I cried. I always wanted to help Ammi but was too scared to come out.

She never wanted me to be a part of all this.

"Asif jaan, you should study hard and be a big man. You will have money, good clothes, big house, your own cars and many servants. Your wife will not have to work at all.", she used to say.

"Why did you kill your father?", Bade sahib asked. "I didn't kill my Baba. He was not my Baba. He was some beast. He was an animal."

That night I was doing my homework in the porch. It was dark already and the Ammi had not returned yet. I thought I should go out and look for her but she had asked me not to leave the house in the dark. She must be working too hard. That is why she comes home late. I thought.

Baba came home and Ammi had not returned yet. "Where is your Ammi?", he asked. "She is not back yet.", I replied. "Not back yet? What is she doing these days? Where does she go in the dark? Who does she meet?", he held my collar and said, "Tell me. She tells you everything. Is she seeing someone? Who is she with?". "I don't know. I am worried myself.", I replied. "You liar. You think you can fool a policeman? I will set you and your Ammi right.", he slapped me.

My friends used to say that everybody thought very low of my father. They thought that he was a very cruel and wicked person. I argued with them always and told them that my Baba was a good policeman. But reality was not hidden.

"Leave him. What are you doing?. Neither I nor Abbu noticed Ammi entering the house. "Asif, go to your room now.", she said to me. I didn't move. Baba started beating Ammi"Where were you? Who were you with? Witch.", he started abusing her.

Ammi was used to this beating now. She never said anything in response because she knew that Baba won't listen. But I could not just sit and be an audience to all this. I gathered courage and said,"Leave my Ammi. She didn't do anything." "Your Ammi is innocent? And what am I? Animal?" he asked. "Yes, you are an animal.", I replied. "So, you think I am an animal? Let me show you what an animal does.", he got furious. He went to the kitchen and brought a knife. "He will kill you' Asif. Go away please." Ammi could not stand up well due to the beating.

I don't remember what happened after that. All I remember was that I stood there with the knife in my hand. Baba was lying on the ground, all his clothes covered with blood.

"Don't be silent boy. Say something. Why did you kill your Baba? What did he do to you?", Bade Sahib asked again.

"Punish me", I said, "and set me free". For all I knew whatever be the decision I won't be ashamed of what I did.